Lead Me

Dropping the kids off this morning the song Lead Me by Sanctus Real came on and it just gelled with my heart this morning. I woke up the same way I do each morning, with my husband coming into our bedroom and asking if I'm going to get up this morning. But unlike every morning he got back in bed and laid there and chatted for a while. It was a great talk, one of those talks I'll always remember.

I am so thankful for my husband and for the man he is. He is so different now than he was when we met 14 years ago. God has truly transformed him. And me. I am so thankful that Dane leads our family. That he leads me. There are times when I hate it, and I want to be the leader and have MY way. However, there are so many times I am so thankful that it's not up to me, that Dane is the one who gets to make the decisions. I'm not a super emotional person, but like most ladies I think I tend to go more by me feelings. My husband, while not completely bullheaded and rogue tends to go more by logic. I am thankful for that, especially during the times when I simply want to react. 

Just about a year ago we began having a problem with one of our dogs. She suddenly began viciously attacking our other dog. The one attacking, Bella,  was the younger of the two and had always grown up w/ Maizie so this new behavior was completely unexplainable. We kept them separated for over two months and had Bella set up for obedience training. Then one night Max accidentally let them together and a dog fight broke out. My incredible son got in the middle of it and rescued Maizie while taking a number of (shallow) bites to his arm. I knew at that moment that we needed to have Bella put down, but I hated to do it. At this point in the story you would expect the next sentence to read: enter Dane. However, Dane was thousands of miles away in Honduras. I was able to get a hold of him for about 30 seconds and explain the situation and he said yes, have her put down. That was the end of the conversation. The next day I fretted and doubted the decision. I questioned whether Dane knew all the facts and if there was something different we could do. Then finally the Lord whispered to me one of the most important things I have had to learn as a wife. My Heavenly Father reminded me that I don't need to give Dane all the facts, and I don't need to have Dane explain everything to me. Why? Because Dane has already gone to God for wisdom. I know that my husband seeks the Lord every single morning. He gets up at such an insanely early hour to spend time reading the Bible and praying for so many that he loves. I know that my husband hears from God and is led by Him, and I love that. 

When we were first saved I knew the need for Dane to lead and to hear from God, but I hated it and therefore treated it like a little brat. I remember saying to him one time, "fine, I'll do it but if you mess up God's gonna judge you for it!" What a rotten brat I was! I used the fact that God has commanded Dane to follow Him and His son's example and lead us as a threat against him. Rather than seeing that the heaviness and the weight that it placed on my husband's shoulders to lead us, and to love us the same way Christ loves the church. As much as I'd like to sugar coat it, I'm sure I'm not always the most lovable gal around, but he does it. 

He loves me, he loves our children, and he leads us because he allows God to lead him. 

Lead Me-- Sanctus Real

I look around and see my wonderful life
Almost perfect from the outside
In picture frames I see my beautiful wife
Always smiling
But on the inside, I can hear her saying...

“Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't
Don't leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, what about us?

Show me you're willing to fight
That I'm still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone”

I see their faces, look in their innocent eyes
They're just children from the outside
I'm working hard, I tell myself they'll be fine
They're independent
But on the inside, I can hear them saying...

“Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't
Don't leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, but what about us?

Show me you're willing to fight
That I'm still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone”

So Father, give me the strength
To be everything I'm called to be
Oh, Father, show me the way
To lead them
Won't You lead me?

To lead them with strong hands
To stand up when they can't
Don't want to leave them hungry for love,
Chasing things that I could give up

I'll show them I'm willing to fight
And give them the best of my life
So we can call this our home
Lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone

Father, lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone