He Is With Us...

I'm writing this post not so much because I want to, but rather because in faith I need to. I know that someday I will look back and this post I probably will have forgotten the details. I'll look back knowing the everything worked out just right, and being able to see the hand of God in every detail of this adoption. Right now though, I am wrestling with fretting, and fear, and disappointment. I've been so excited as we are ready to submit our home study and our profile (for birthmom's to look at) and I just found out that we may need to be fingerprinted before we can proceed, AND that there is a significant wait for that. I've already been wrestling with fears of being disappointed after a rude and tactless comment was made to me a few days ago. This just was the last thing I needed to here. Last night I felt like someone had kicked me in the stomach. I know for those of you just watching the adoption part of our story you think we've only been waiting for a few months. However, we've been waiting for a baby for years and this just seems like one more no (I know it's not... but it feels that way.)

So after taking a shower... and sobbing... I stepped out of the shower and read a quote I had wrote on our chalkboard wall:

To want to serve God in some conditions, but not others, is to serve Him in your own way. But to put no limits on your submission to God is truly dying to yourself. This is how to worship God. Open yourself to God without measure. Let His life flow through you like a torrent. Fear NOTHING on the road you are walking. God will lead you by the hand. Let your love for Him cast out the fear you feel for yourself.  (Dangerous Surrender – Quote Francois Fenelon.)

I read it at My Crazy Adoption a month or so ago, and loved it. The end of it struck me last night... I can't just pull out my submitting to God's will because I don't like what's happening. I have to surrender to what He wants to do. The end of the quote is truly incredible : fear NOTHING on the road you are walking. God will lead you by the hand. Let your love for Him cast out the fear you feel for yourself. It was just the reminder I needed.

When I went up to bed I remembered the verse the Lord had gave me at the beginning of this journey. I held to it, but hated it because it pointed to troubles along the way, and quite frankly I don't want to think about that. I want to believe this adoption will be straight out of a Hallmark commercial. The verse? Isaiah 43:2:

When you pass through the waters, I [will be] with you; And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, Nor shall the flame scorch you. 

I decide to keep reading:

"Do not be afraid, for I am with you. I will gather you and your children from east and west. I will say to the north and south, "Bring my sons and daughters back to Israel from the distant corners of the earth.

So obviously there is the context of God speaking to Israel, but hello?! They are the nation that wasn't. If God could bring them together, I have no doubt He will bring our family together. So for now, it looks like we are headed to New Hampshire to get digital fingerprints and then submit them to the FBI. Please, please, please be praying that this goes smoothly and that the FBI would process everything in a timely manner. And please, pray for my heart. I know God has already written this story, but it's easy to become inpatient and so fragile and sensitive to negativity. God's timing is perfect, and I know He will work this out and this will all be a reflection of His glory.

And to the future me, when you reread this while holding your sweet baby, remember His faithfulness.


Update: Praise God! We won't need fingerprinting after all. This whole thing makes me frustrated with myself and my lack of faith. I truly pray that I would keep my focus on God through this whole thing, and not get caught up in the ups and downs. 

Home Study Update

We received our home study to look over and approve! Final home study check for $942.74 sent out today. Praise God! Total spend to date for adoption costs is $3000 and God has provided every penny.

Our Home Study, Part 2

Praise God! Just wanted to update everyone on where we are. The beginning of the week we mailed in our formal application and a check for $1095 to AAI. I was able to email with our caseworker yesterday and get some "homework" to get started on. The past couple of weeks I've also been working on creating our profile that gets submitted to birth parents -talk about difficult. There's such a temptation to think that the words and pictures you craft have to be perfect. I've come to the truth though that regardless of what is in that four page portfolio God knows who are child is. It truly takes the pressure off... mostly.

Probably the most exciting hurdle was removed about 45 minutes ago though. We had our final home study meeting this morning at our home. We knew the first meeting had gone well, but still I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous.  We were told once again we were all set, and here's the best part.... we should have our report by the end of the month! We went into this adoption being most nervous about the home study process, but we have been so blessed to work with an incredible sister in Christ from St. Andre's in Biddeford. If you need a home study done Nancy is one of a kind and such an encouragement and blessing to work with.

So that's where we're at. It feels like we're moving along quickly and the Lord just keeps opening doors. Next up is getting everything together for AAI, and our profile finished. We are praying that by this time next month everything will be submitted and the true wait will begin.

For now we have a couple of prayer requests for you to consider:

• Pray for the Lord's guidance in this entire process.
• Pray for our baby's mother, for her pregnancy, her health, her emotions, and most importantly her walk with the Lord.
• We will be having a fundraising yard sale on May 14th. Please pray for donated items to sell, for good weather, and that the whole day would be blessed.
• Finances.... the Lord has provided and we know He will continue to. 
• Timing... we our told in Hebrews 4:16: "Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need." So in boldness (and honestly, with timidity) we are praying that God would do the impossible and that we would adopt before the end of June. As it stands right now to receive the Adoption Tax Credit we need to have our adoption finalized by the end of 2011. It takes six months for an adoption to be finalized, so with that in mind to guarantee that we would be eligible for the credit we need to adopt by the end of June. If this isn't the Lord's will, we pray that the ATC would be renewed for 2012. 
• Pray for focus for me. It's going to be a busy few months with the adoption and the graduation of our daughter (YAY KAHLI!). Pray that I would keep my focus on the Lord and serving Him, and waiting on Him. That I wouldn't become overwhelmed or stressed out trying to do things in my own strength.