Battling the Whys

Recently a good friend shared our story and shared how hard it was for him to see families so desperately wanting a child or more children, while watching others choose to abort their babies, or simply "undeserving" (my word) to be parents. He shared how the Lord answered him through our adoption plan; that God said no, because otherwise we may not be adopting the baby that we are. It is a question I've wrestled with countless times over the past eleven years.

Why?

Why not us?

Why them?

Why, Lord, why?

I don't know if there's a clear cut answer why. 

Why do I have to feed the dog again?

Why do I have to hang my clothes up?

Why ? Why? Why?

Because I say so that's why. Why? Because I am your mother and I know what's best for you.  Why? Because I am the one who will stand before God and give an account. Why? Because I said so and you just need to trust me. 

For me it's been much wiser not to delve into the why's when it comes to God. Quite simply because it is impossible and illogical for me to stand there shaking my fist at the God who sees the past, present, and future and demand a reason for why I am not getting what I want now. I think of the times I have tried to surprise my children, and while heading to the surprise they complain the whole time. I just want to scream, and truth be told I have:  "I'm trying to surprise you but you just ruined the whole stupid thing because you just won't be quiet and stop complaining. Do you ever stop to think that I have a plan, and that maybe I'm trying to bless you?!" In the same way, I know God has a perfect plan for me and for our family, yet I can complain the whole time because I don't like how things seem right now. 

Not to say that we should skip through life simply because we know all things will work together (Romans 8:28), but in a way we should. We know the story, we know the ending. But the fact is just as Solomon wrote there is a time to laugh and a time cry, even a time to mourn. Suffering and sadness is part of this life, although it was never a part of God's plan for us. One thing that's been mentioned to me recently by my husband and a close friend is that God never made us to suffer or to know loss. We weren't created with death in mind, we were created to live in the absence the sin and in the presence and in communion with God. Certainly not what the  live that we live on this side of eternity. 

So how do we reconcile the whys? For me, it's simply trusting and holding fast to God's promises to me. There are promises I know He has spoken directly to me, and there are promises in His word that I cling to. And the other part is taking our my thoughts captive. 2 Corinthians 10 says:

For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ, and being ready to punish all disobedience when your obedience is fulfilled. 

I have truly had to practice this verse so much, especially after having our vasectomy reversal, and completely expecting an immediate pregnancy. When I take questioning why to the point of questioning God's sovereignty I've gone to far. I think asking why is normal, but really moving to the point of questioning God's love for us and whether he really knows what is best is going too far. God's word is true, His promises are sure, and His knowledge is beyond measure. When Paul writes, "every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God," I am reminded once again that knowing God has to be my top priority (see Philippians 2), because that will help my entire world view be clear. To question God's sovereignty is to deny who I know God is, so therefore I need bring each one of those thoughts into captivity (as I once said tie them up in a bundle and bring them to Christ, don't spread 'em all out on the kitchen table, lol.)

It's hard not to question why, especially when it's about the big things. Why can't I get pregnant? Why has my child pass away? Why am I having to battle cancer? Why God? But that's when we need to know God's Word more than ever, we need to bathe in His promises and in the knowledge of who He is. We need to practice the discipline of being in control of our thoughts, and not allowing our thoughts and emotions to lead us in to the dark place. God is so much bigger than our current situation, any of our current situations. Jesus conquered the grave, is anything to hard for Him? In closing, one of my favorite quotes that always puts things into perspective for me is, "His past faithfulness demands my present trust." Hindsight is 20/20, and in it I see all the times I have questioned and fretted not being able to see where I stand now.

If we are faithless, He remains faithful; He cannot deny Himself. 2 Timothy 2:13