The One About Getting My Way

I am a schedule person. I like my routines. I like my lists. I like being in charge. A lot.
When my routine is challenged and things are feeling like they are spinning in chaos my first reaction is to organize more. However, I'm learning that sometimes you just need to step on to the roller coaster, buckle up, and hold on. The past week has been full of finding the balance of organization and just letting go. I'm realizing that with four kiddos under four chaos is unavoidable. I'm learning that I don't need to be every 15 minutes early. I can be on time... and quite frankly being early can be almost worse (although I am VERY thankful for our factory installed minivan DVD player.) I'm beginning to figure out new routines: bath times, dinner, bedtime, morning routines, and meal planning to name a few. I wish I could give you all kinds of great tips, but really it's pretty simple. Oh... and preschool is a God send. April vacation... not so much.

The things that I've really been thinking about a lot is the act of sacrifice and dying to myself. My flesh desires to be in control. After our adoption journey with the girls I became way better at letting go of the big things,  mainly because I had no choice. It's the little things though that I'm realizing God wants me to begin to let go of. He IS a God of order, however when my desire for order and things to go MY way cause me to go off on the ones around me and react in anger- well... that's sin. I am learning that I need to look at my family's hearts and realize that this is a change for all of us, and that just because things aren't happening the way I WANT doesn't mean that my family isn't trying.

For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it;
you will not be pleased with a burnt offering.
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise. (Psalm 51:16-17)

It's easy to think I'm pretty awesome for serving my family and all that... but God looks at it and it's my heart and my spirit He's looking at. I want my offering to Him to be a sweet smelling one, to smell like like Jesus. I want to be broken for Him willing to do WHATEVER He desires of me and not let my preferences and "my way" get in the the way of "His way".