While I'm Waiting

Just an update we are scheduled for the first of two home study interviews this weekend. So excited to be completing one more step. I was watching a few Gotcha Day videos on youtube this evening and one of them used a song I had forgotten about. I first heard this song after Dane's V-Reversal and was challenged by it, and reminded that my first priority is to serve God. No matter what I'm hoping or waiting for, I have calling (and you do too) that I need to be fulfilling. I hope this song blesses you whatever it may be you're waiting for.

While I'm Waiting-- John Waller


I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Takeing every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord

Lead Me

Dropping the kids off this morning the song Lead Me by Sanctus Real came on and it just gelled with my heart this morning. I woke up the same way I do each morning, with my husband coming into our bedroom and asking if I'm going to get up this morning. But unlike every morning he got back in bed and laid there and chatted for a while. It was a great talk, one of those talks I'll always remember.

I am so thankful for my husband and for the man he is. He is so different now than he was when we met 14 years ago. God has truly transformed him. And me. I am so thankful that Dane leads our family. That he leads me. There are times when I hate it, and I want to be the leader and have MY way. However, there are so many times I am so thankful that it's not up to me, that Dane is the one who gets to make the decisions. I'm not a super emotional person, but like most ladies I think I tend to go more by me feelings. My husband, while not completely bullheaded and rogue tends to go more by logic. I am thankful for that, especially during the times when I simply want to react. 

Just about a year ago we began having a problem with one of our dogs. She suddenly began viciously attacking our other dog. The one attacking, Bella,  was the younger of the two and had always grown up w/ Maizie so this new behavior was completely unexplainable. We kept them separated for over two months and had Bella set up for obedience training. Then one night Max accidentally let them together and a dog fight broke out. My incredible son got in the middle of it and rescued Maizie while taking a number of (shallow) bites to his arm. I knew at that moment that we needed to have Bella put down, but I hated to do it. At this point in the story you would expect the next sentence to read: enter Dane. However, Dane was thousands of miles away in Honduras. I was able to get a hold of him for about 30 seconds and explain the situation and he said yes, have her put down. That was the end of the conversation. The next day I fretted and doubted the decision. I questioned whether Dane knew all the facts and if there was something different we could do. Then finally the Lord whispered to me one of the most important things I have had to learn as a wife. My Heavenly Father reminded me that I don't need to give Dane all the facts, and I don't need to have Dane explain everything to me. Why? Because Dane has already gone to God for wisdom. I know that my husband seeks the Lord every single morning. He gets up at such an insanely early hour to spend time reading the Bible and praying for so many that he loves. I know that my husband hears from God and is led by Him, and I love that. 

When we were first saved I knew the need for Dane to lead and to hear from God, but I hated it and therefore treated it like a little brat. I remember saying to him one time, "fine, I'll do it but if you mess up God's gonna judge you for it!" What a rotten brat I was! I used the fact that God has commanded Dane to follow Him and His son's example and lead us as a threat against him. Rather than seeing that the heaviness and the weight that it placed on my husband's shoulders to lead us, and to love us the same way Christ loves the church. As much as I'd like to sugar coat it, I'm sure I'm not always the most lovable gal around, but he does it. 

He loves me, he loves our children, and he leads us because he allows God to lead him. 

Lead Me-- Sanctus Real

I look around and see my wonderful life
Almost perfect from the outside
In picture frames I see my beautiful wife
Always smiling
But on the inside, I can hear her saying...

“Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't
Don't leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, what about us?

Show me you're willing to fight
That I'm still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone”

I see their faces, look in their innocent eyes
They're just children from the outside
I'm working hard, I tell myself they'll be fine
They're independent
But on the inside, I can hear them saying...

“Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't
Don't leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, but what about us?

Show me you're willing to fight
That I'm still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone”

So Father, give me the strength
To be everything I'm called to be
Oh, Father, show me the way
To lead them
Won't You lead me?

To lead them with strong hands
To stand up when they can't
Don't want to leave them hungry for love,
Chasing things that I could give up

I'll show them I'm willing to fight
And give them the best of my life
So we can call this our home
Lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone

Father, lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone

The Calm...

Slow going... it feels like we are in limbo right now with so many things pulling for attention. We're moving forward, but with things that seem unrelated. Right now we're waiting for the home study to begin. All of our paperwork is in, but our caseworker is finishing up with some other clients right now. So in the meantime, I'm getting our home in tip top shape with some spring cleaning, purging stuff and putting it in our yard sale pile, and they to make it all just a little bit more fun some redecorating/painting. We are looking at some busy months coming up, and not simply because of the adoption. One of the thing we get to look forward to is the graduation of Kahli! How can it be that!? I am so proud of her and amazed by how quickly time has gone by. So that's what's going on now... we are waiting, and doing the things we can and need to do. In a way I feel like we're in the calm before the storm (and I don't mean storm as in bad, but storm of business rather), so I'm just working doing what I can and trusting God with the rest. Our hope is that we will hear from our home study case worker within the next week or two. Please be praying that everything moves along in a timely fashion and that the Lord would prepare our hearts for whatever comes.

My Happy Song

I love, love, love this song. It just makes me giddy.

I Just Haven't Met You Yet by Michael Buble
I'm not surprised, not everything lasts
I've broken my heart so many times, I stopped keeping track
Talk myself in, I talk myself out
I get all worked up, then I let myself down

I tried so very hard not to lose it
I came up with a million excuses
I thought, I thought of every possibility

And I know someday that it'll all turn out
You'll make me work, so we can work to work it out
And I promise you, kid, that I give so much more than I get
I just haven't met you yet

I might have to wait, I'll never give up
I guess it's half timing, and the other half's luck
Wherever you are, whenever it's right
You'll come out of nowhere and into my life

And I know that we can be so amazing
And, baby, your love is gonna change me
And now I can see every possibility

And somehow I know that it'll all turn out
You'll make me work, so we can work to work it out
And I promise you, kid, I give so much more than I get
I just haven't met you yet

They say all's fair
In love and war
But I won't need to fight it
We'll get it right and we'll be united

And I know that we can be so amazing
And being in your life is gonna change me
And now I can see every single possibility

And someday I know it'll all turn out
And I'll work to work it out
Promise you, kid, I'll give more than I get
Than I get, than I get, than I get

Oh, you know it'll all turn out
And you'll make me work so we can work to work it out
And I promise you kid to give so much more than I get
Yeah, I just haven't met you yet

I just haven't met you yet
Oh, promise you, kid
To give so much more than I get

I said love, love, love, love
Love, love, love, love
(I just haven't met you yet)
Love, love, love, love
Love, love
I just haven't met you yet

Thoughts on Financing Our Adoption

Just a few words on funding our adoption. We completely know that the Lord has called us to this, and that He will provide for it in incredible ways. We also know that part of our obedience in following Him is going to be financial sacrifices and choices. As soon as our home study is completed we will begin applying for grants, and will most likely end up having to take out a loan to finish financing our adoption. Adopting is a financial commitment, but so isn't buying a new car or going on a family vacation. For us though, right now, this is the priority the commitment we are choosing to embrace. We do feel though that it is good to try and raise funds for this adoption for two different reasons. First, the cost of adopting is HUGE and we don't have the money to commit to this; secondly, we want to provide others opportunities to be part of our adoption. We know that many of you are supporting us through prayers and we are most grateful for that! However, some of you may feel led or just desire to help us financially, and for that we are also appreciative.

A couple ideas we have right now are a yard sale sometime in May, if you're interested in donating (please be considerate in the things you donate, as tactfully as I can say it we don't want junk that you know no one in there right mind is going to buy, lol... no empty cool whip containers.) Also, we are considering selling adoption themed clothing/merchandise that we will receive a generous portion from the profits. You can see some of the options we may offer at My Crazy Adoption. Also, many of you know I am a Pampered Chef consultant (according to company policy I can't link to my site, but if you are interested, let me know) and all money I make from my business goes straight to adoption costs. I actually am thinking about doing a fundraiser show sometime this summer for anyone interested. Lastly, one other thing I will through out there is that I love, love, love to cook, and if you are interested in having me bake something special, or prepare a meal for you and your family, let me know and we could definitely come up with some ideas.

So, we won't be BEGGING for money, but I did want to throw these things out there and once again ask that my brothers and sisters in Christ be praying for us during this journey.

Eyes On The Prize

I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:14

I am an all or nothing type of girl. I set my mind on something and I'm obsessed. That becomes my top priority. A few days ago I posted a link on Facebook to a blog guest blog post over at My Crazy Adoption. In a nutshell it warns against letting adoption/orphan care become our idol. Our women's bible study is working our way through Philippians, and this week we were in chapter 3, verses 12-end. It made me think of this article. My focus has been on adoption so much lately and getting things ready that I admittedly have let certain things go. There is even a temptation to not want to serve in ministry because "I need to be focussed on the adoption." This journey isn't a replacement for everything else God has planned and is doing in our family. It's not a spiritual etch-a-sketch that I can shake clean to draw a new picture.

My focus in this journey, and always needs to be on Christ. Paul uses the phrase "press on" in describing our walk as Christians. To press on shows effort and struggle. It's a choice. I think about exercise, once the burn begins I can press on through the pain for the satisfaction of the results, OR I can step off the treadmill. The same way in our walk, we can press on through the struggles, and yes through the pain or we can step off: we can remain stagnant and just stop moving forward. I want to press on! I want to see all that the Lord has for me! I want to see my savior face to face! I want to hear my Creator say "well done good and faithful servant!" One of my favorite quotes from the post is this one:

Our adoption journeys/orphan ministries are walks to which Jesus invites us for the growing of our own once-orphaned-hearts; a journey to give us a better bond and healthier attachment to our Savior, our Redeemer, our adoptive Father and Friend. You see, when Paul said, “run the race as to win the prize” he wasn’t talking about an orphan. He was talking about Jesus. Jesus is the prize. Run the race with both eyes set on him. Follow him and you will run the race well.

And that is the point: following Christ keeping our eyes on him not matter what leg of the race we're on. And just to clarify, this doesn't just go for those of us on the adoption journey. We can put so many things in the place of God: our family, our jobs, even ministry!  I pray that you really take the chance to read Cindy's post, I know you will be blessed.

Amazed

So today is the day that we send out our home study packet along with another check for $700. We have the money for this, but it definitely is still a step in obedience. So.... I just went to the post office to get our mail, and there was a card from our adoption agency with the check we sent them, for $700, with our preliminary application. Apparently, along with waiving the trip to Michigan, the also waived the initial fee! Although we weren't in a situation of desperation to come up with the money for the next step, this was still a huge God pat: my term for when God sends those little things in your path like a pat on the back to say, "go ahead, I'm right here". Thank You Lord! Your love for You children is beyond my comprehension!