Walking in Obedience

Sitting here now, I'm struck by how quickly my life has changed. We went from parents of two with a submitted adoption application and profile states away, to being foster parents to 6 month old twins. One of our baby's has been the victim Shaken Baby Syndrome. Both are premature and have their own issues that accompany that. We are taking a leap of the deep end. We know that in every way God has orchestrated this path. I know that He has called us here. 


I've thought so much about fear this past week. Fear and faith and obedience. Fear is the absence of faith. So often I've thought about Christ Jesus lately when the fear overtakes me. Not the fear of the situation at hand, but the fear of what if. What if this doesn't work? What if the birth parent's rights aren't terminated? What if we can't adopt them? What if my heart breaks? What if we take them, pull our adoption application, lose them, and are left empty handed? Those fears. But then I remember that this is where God has brought us. If you don't know and love my God, then you're probably rolling your eyes and thinking, yup, another wack job religious fanatic... whatever. But we know. There are times that knowledge brings me absolute encouragement and comfort. Other times it's a call, a call to obey. 


My husband and I were talking this morning, and he reminded me that Jesus didn't willingly go to the cross. He did it obediently. That's hard to swallow. He did it for the joy set before Him and He did it trusting, but He also was fully aware of how badly it was going to suck. Not just the physical pain, but the pain of the entire weight of humanity's sin and the incredible solitude and desperation of being separated from the Father. He knew that His heart would literally burst. But He trusted the Father and He did it obediently. 


I'm not saying that I'm doing this dreading it... no not by any means, I absolutely love holding my sweet girls. But, I know that I could lose my heart in doing it, and that thought makes me sick. It's in obedience that I continue. That I trust that my Father knows the beginning from the end. That He will prepare me for this, that He will walk me through this come whatever may. 


Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider him that endured such contradiction of sinners against himself, lest ye be wearied and faint in your minds. Hebrews 12:2-3